Patch and writing by my mother.  My personal patch lies just above this one on the quilt, and just below this lies my grandmother's (my mother's mother's) patch.

My name is Ruth Mermelstein.  I am the proud mother of Hannah, the woman who is putting together this quilt.

What message can my life send to the world?  I don't know.  I am still figuring that out.  I am only 46.  Perhaps I'll have a better answer if I am lucky enough to become 86.

There are some life skills I have already mastered, and some I am still working on.  I have learned but not necessarily mastered all of the following:

1)     Find something you're good at and do it.  It may seem more noble to be a special education teacher than to be a computer programmer.  However, if you're a bad special education teacher but a good computer programmer, you should do the latter.

2)     You can't do everything in one lifetime, and you can't do one lifetime's work all at once.  Superwoman is a fictional character.  When you or someone you love is sick, or you have young children, or financial reality dictates that you must work more than you want to - sometimes just getting the laundry done is an accomplishment.  Other people may have to save and/or beautify the world just for now.

3)     If you're in one of those more challenging times, you need to take a break once in a while.

4)     Make time for what you really care about.

5)     Love makes the good times better and the bad times easier.

6)     If you have children, hug them often and tell them how much you love them and enjoy them.  Apologize when you realize that you have been unreasonable with them.

7)     Try to find something you like about everyone in your life, especially people who annoy you.  It makes it easier to deal with them.

8)     My guess is that everyone has prejudices.  Acknowledge them to yourself so you can work to overcome them when you meet people in those groups.

9)     Growing old is a privilege.  Accept the aches, pains, and wrinkles as the companions of wisdom.

My life has been privileged.  I have never experienced war or hunger.  I have always been loved.

Besides spending time with my family, my creative and spiritual outlet has always been centered around Judaism.  It has been constant in my life, but I devoted the most time to it before I had children and again once my children got older.   My husband, Jules, and I have taught Confirmation class at our synagogue for the past 8 years.  Besides raising children, it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.   It is also something I could not have done as well before I had teenagers.  I had to grow into this.

I crochet yarmulkes, the skullcaps traditionally worn by Jewish men, but now also worn by Jewish women.  The first one I ever made was for my brother Steve.  It is artistically elementary, but I cherish the fact that he still wears it and does not want a new one.  My favorites are the 25^th anniversary yarmulke I made for Jules and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle one I made for my son Ben when he was 4.   I have made others as gifts for people I love, as fundraisers for my synagogue, and occasionally for pay. 

I designed my patch like a yarmulke to represent the love in my life.   I am the light blue.  Blue is my favorite color:  quiet, comfortable, and calm.  I do not always possess those qualities, but I am most at peace when that describes my life.  I am definitely more of a nester than an adventurer.

My blue envelops, and is enveloped by, those I love.

The brighter blue is my husband, Jules.  His favorite color is also blue, but he stands out more than I do.  That is ok - he needs and enjoys the attention more than I do.  When he wears this color, it accentuates his beautiful blue eyes.  I am lucky to be married to my best friend.  I wish I could give marital advice to others, but I honestly think that the main secret to the success of our marriage is that we are perfectly matched for each other.  We both have faults that would drive other people crazy.  In fact, those faults often drive us crazy.  However, we also each have assets that are exactly what the other person needs.

Every marriage is different, so this advice may not work for everyone.  By the way, when I use the word marriage I do not mean exclusively heterosexual relationships.   Here are some tips:

1)     Don't marry the wrong person just because you're ready for marriage.  I was lucky to meet Jules when I was too young to consider marriage, so I was never tempted to do this.

2)     Communicate.  When you're so angry you can't talk to each other, write letters.

3)     Be open about your sexual needs and preferences.  Mutually satisfying sex makes life more enjoyable. 

4)     Sometimes you only have time or energy to be platonic housemates.  Recognize when this is happening and realize that it is temporary.

5)     Go on dates when things get tough.  Dates don't have to cost money.  They can be walking or lying on a blanket in a park.

The purple and green is for my children.  These are the colors they wear most often (Hannah purple, Ben green).  My children are amazing.  I have been very lucky with them.   Part of that is Jules' and my doing, and part is that we were given excellent material to work with.   All children have different potential in different areas.  It is our job as parents to help them achieve it.  I think that the love in our house has helped make Hannah and Ben more secure, and therefore unafraid or brave enough to pursue what they want.  They have inherited some of our qualities, and exceeded us in their own areas of excellence.  I still remember the feel of their soft infant skin against mine.  I am especially fortunate because even in their teenage years, I have felt their love for me.

The silver-gray is for my parents, representing their age and wisdom.  My parents are not perfect, but I never for one day doubted that they loved me.  I think that helped me be more loving to others, and made me a better parent to my own children.  They accepted Jules as one of their own children and have been an immense comfort since his parents died.

The variegated orange is for my siblings: Steve, Marty, and Marcia.  We played and fought together when we were young, and finally blended into adults who love each other.  I (the oldest) am proud of each one of them.  Their spouses have enhanced our family.  Our relationship gives my parents a lot of pleasure. 

The red and dark gray is for my in-laws on Jules's side, who helped form me because I got married at such a young age (18).  His mother and sisters both wore a lot of red, while his father was more staid - represented by the dark gray.  Their love and acceptance of me helped me and I'm sure it helped my marriage.  I now have the presence of his sister Florence, and good memories of the others.

The gold is for everyone else - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and close friends.   For those who are gone, I could, and for those who are living, I can, turn to any of them in times of need.   What more could I ask from life?